conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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