Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
