So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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