You just made me feel so damn special
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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