If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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