I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
