I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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