Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
