It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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