i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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