do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I got inside last night via doggy door
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
