I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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