I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
