I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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