grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
tell me about the fingering
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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