i think my tv is drunk
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize