My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
