I showed him my bush... on skype.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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