I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
