she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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