yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
