Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize