No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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