got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
