the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
