based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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