THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
