The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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