YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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