we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
This is my gift to your gina
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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