i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize