Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
