The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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