aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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