I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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