So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
