I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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