I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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