Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
