It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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