I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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