"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
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BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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