glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
