my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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