who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
