Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
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