just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
