does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
