i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
