DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
