phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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