i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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