you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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