I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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