You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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