You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
