i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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