His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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