Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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