It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
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