She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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