apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
