dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Are we still banned from the library?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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