I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
