dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
