I need help removing her.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
