I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
foreskin is a definite game changer
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
