so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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