Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
