The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
