I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
