WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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