god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
