after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
