I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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