Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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