Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
